3rd example of MOL on Mirabilis ICQ

Here is one I did tonight with LadyEray.

The starting topic was online friendships.

It lead to a discussion of some negative experiences when she has
conversations with people face-to-face, mostly because of a weight
problem it seems.

I reached a point at which I had no more leads to follow, so I ended
the conversation.

I forgot to get her reaction to the MOL.

See what you think. It ended about 9:46p.


From: David Goldstein
Subject: 3rd example of MOL on Mirabilis ICQ
Date: 1/9/98

       ICQ Chat Save file
Started on Fri Jan 09 21:47:14 1998

<David> Hello. Thanks for doing this.
<LadyEray> i am not sure if i will stay.
<LadyEray> ask away.
<David> That is OK.
<David> Just start with any topic about which you have some strong feelings.
<LadyEray> i thought you were going to ask a question.?
<David> No. We start with a topic of your choosing.
<LadyEray> online friends. ?
<David> OK. Tell me about this.
<LadyEray> well i think its great because you get to know a person's heart if they are honest before you get to see them leaving out all the eyes contact with makes it better because people tend to judge things when seen by sight first.
<LadyEray> this is all words. kinda like the bible you read it and start believeing that its true.
<LadyEray> well that is how it is with a online friend day after day you talk to them growing in friendship believeing that what they say is true because they stay the same. then a trust is given to each other and with that a good friendship grows from here.
<David> What is your idea of a good friend?
<LadyEray> some one that is there no matter what. some one that gives just as much to you as you give to them. a friendship is just like anyother relationship if one is doing all the giving it will never work.
<David> Are you a good friend by your definition?
<David> What does looking, seeing do? You seem to think that it is a barrier?
<LadyEray> yes
<LadyEray> Well people tend to judge others by how they look color, weight , hair, beauty, ect. but here online they dont see that first. they just see the persons feelings. and later many share pictures and even meet but by then it really doesnt matter what they look like anymore they have built up a freindship that looks and such become little in detail. of what they will think of them
<David> Can you give me a specific example in your life where looks interfered with things?
<LadyEray> well in my life growing up i had a weight problem and was judged by that.
<LadyEray> people would tell me ohh your such a beautyful girl to bad you are fat. . not even know who are what i really was inside.
<David> Any other examples?
<LadyEray> well not personally but people judge others my lifestyle. <money> What type of shoe , clothes they were.
<LadyEray> on here you see none of that.
<David> How do you think you come across online?
<David> How do you know when you are being too honest?
<LadyEray> well most seem to like me. i am a pretty honest person and rather nice.. My one problem most say is i am to honest leaveing room for others to take advantage of that. and use it to hurt me.
<LadyEray> well i am always honested i dont know its just some people come here and call it a fanasty world and dont care to share their life of reality.
<LadyEray> and well i am not like that i dont live here in fantasy i am real on here just as much as in real life and some dont like to handle that. they would not like to get emotinally involved with people in a real way
<David> What would be a desireable outcome for you from your online chats?
<LadyEray> Well my desire is alway good chat and makeing new friends which i always seem to do.
<LadyEray> so i guess my desirable outcome is to make long life friends.
<David> Is that happening?
<LadyEray> yes i think so. I met a friend from Washington State about 1year ago and we are best of freinds now. she calls me on the phone and i do also her and we plan on meeting in person this year. we talk daily and now all there is to know about each other.
<David> Have you seen her?
<LadyEray> just picture, of her and her family.
<LadyEray> and i have sent her pics of me and my family.
<David> Have you found any other way of making friends than online chats?
<LadyEray> well yes i do have a life beyond the computer.
<LadyEray> i have friends from church, neighbors.
<LadyEray> and such., my son is on a baseball team and the familys there are pretty close.
<David> When did you discover the online way of making friends?
<LadyEray> about 1 and 1/2 years ago when i signed on to AOL
<David> Are you on AOL now?
<LadyEray> yes.
<David> Are there any thoughts or feelings that you notice at this point in our conversation?
<LadyEray> no not really.
<David> I am feeling that we have kind of reached the end of the topic thread.
<LadyEray> ok
<David> Is it OK if I save the file buffer?
<LadyEray> what will you do with it.
<David> I will show it to other people who are interested in this technique which is called the Method Of Levels.
<LadyEray> is this for a school thing. ?
<David> No, there is a group of people interested in a theory of Psychology called Perceptual Control Theory. The method of levels is one practical application of this approach.
<LadyEray> so you are say you will show this to others and then decide what level of whatever i am on LOL
<David> Not exactly. I am using this as a learning tool to improve my skill.
<LadyEray> so what do you think of me.?
<David> I think that I like you. You have been hurt from some unkind remarks of people in the past but seem to have gone on with your life.
<David> If at some point in the future, you would like to try this again with me my Mirabilis ICQ is 6644895
<LadyEray> yeah
<LadyEray> i have the number is shows up on the list.
<David> OK.
<LadyEray> ok your name is David
<David> Thanks again for doing this. Do I have your persmission to save the buffer.
<David> Yes.
<David> And yours is LadyEray?
<LadyEray> my real name is Rene'
<David> OK Rene'
<David> Thanks again.
<LadyEray> Ok yes you can save it.
<LadyEray> bye.

[From Bill Powers (980109.2142 MST)]

Here is one I did tonight with LadyEray.

See what you think. It ended about 9:46p.

Hmm, that means it lasted one negative minute, since it started at 21:47. I
think it may have ended about 10:46. An hour? Is that right? That would
make this a very long session.

My impression is that this session didn't result in any level shifts beyond
the first, where the foreground idea about making friends turned into the
background subject of judging people by their appearance. I'm sure you felt
the same sympathy I did, when she talked about that.

But that sympathy probably prevented you from asking her how she felt about
the way other people judge her when they can see her. She was presenting
that to you, I think. You did ask her, near the end, if there were any
thoughts or feelings about "this," but you didn't specify about what, and
either she didn't want to say, or she wanted to terminate the session. If
your times are correct, the session probably went on much too long without
another level jump.

This session raises the question of just how directive or interpretive the
guide should be when there's no explicit signal about the next level. I've
given up on a few people as you did, because I just couldn't see where to
go next. I think that now I would take a guess and ask her if she has any
thoughts or feelings about how other people judge her from her appearance.
She was telling you pretty plainly that she felt bad about it, but you have
to play dumb.

Perhaps this is the kind of case we used to describe in dianetics as one
where the client's problem pushes the auditor's buttons and the auditor
forgets how to run the process. Do you have any concerns about people
judging you by your appearance? It's something to consider. If true, I
guess my next step would have to be to say, "Tell me more about being
judged by your appearance." Not that any answer is required.


Bill P.