I have made several posts on a case I am seeing now. In the last
post I announced that I was going to stop at this point after
making some final comments. Here they are:
(1) In the case, a major focus has been that I have tried to
understand the motivations for the man's action on the fateful
night when he was caught. Rather than state them in "I want"
form, I will make a number of factual statements from which "I
want" hypotheses could be derived:
(a) The man was angry at his wife that night.
(b) The man did not communicate his feelings/thoughts
to his wife this night before they went asleep.
(c) The man had been in a depressed state for several
months.
(d) The man comes from an emmeshed family in which
boundaries were often violated by his parents. The man
developed a passive/aggressive style of a handling
angry feelings in himself and his wife.
(e) The babysitter "invited/threatened" the man to join
him. She was "An Earth Mother" figure for him and
almost like a second wife.
(f) The man did not experience any thoughts along the
line "This is wrong."
(g) The man was aware that he might get caught (the
squeaky stairs.)
(h) The man has kept this relationship with the
babysitter, on and off, for eight years.
(3) The man is relieved that "it is over." I think that he wanted
to be caught and bring everything out into the open.
(4) There is a danger here that if the man accepts 100%
repsonsibility that nothing will really change in the
relationship. In the last individual session I have had with him,
I think he is starting to understand this.
(5) They are starting to spend Quality Time together and this is
helpful in showing them that they can enjoy each other's company.
However, this will not be enough. Each of them has to change in
ways that I outlined in the last post or I don't see any reason
why there wouldn't be a repetition.
(6) The directions of possible change in marital therapy are the
same as the possible kinds of changes which can take place in
group therapy which I outlined in a previous post. I am wondering
whether it wouldn't be more effective to have a group of couples.
(7) I am pleased with the way things are progressing with this
couple. I think we have worked through the initial crisis. Now we
have to get down to the hard part.
···
To: interested CSGnet people
From: David Goldstein
Subject: reflections on clinical example
Date: 05/20/92