[From Bill Powers (950912.1150 MDT)]
Hans Blom (950912b) --
RE : conflict
I was too polite to blink my lights or honk my horn but did drive
nearer to the car in front than I usually do. Yet there was no
reaction at all; the car didn't change its speed; for me, it seemed
as if it had no driver at all. In moments such as these you get all
sorts of unfriendly feelings. Couldn't the guy in front of me go a
little faster? Couldn't he pull off the road for a moment and let
me go by? Couldn't he do his sightsee- ing on a different day? All
the conditions that apply for a conflict.
No, not all the conditions. What was missing was that the other driver
showed no evidence of controlling the same variable you were
controlling. When you drove close behind the other driver, the other
driver did not change speed or show any reaction at all. So the only
conclusions you could reach would be (1) that the other driver didn't
care how close behind you were driving, or (2) the other driver never
looked in the rear-view mirror. With respect to the variable you were
controlling, the driver was not acting like a control system.
This was not a conflict situation. It was exactly the kind of situation
you finally perceived:
Why did I protest the behavior of the car and its driver, but
wouldn't have protested the behavior of a boulder? And wouldn't
have protested the behavior of a driverless remote controlled car?
Anyway, in that moment I came to accept the car as I would have a
boulder. My frustration dissipated, and I even thought I had
learned something worthwhile.
You did, and you probably drive a little less like an American truck
driver on amphetamines because of it. But any conflict that was resolved
was inside yourself, not between you and the other driver. You can't get
into conflict with a boulder because a boulder is not a control system.
If you want to experience a real interpersonal conflict, drive slowly
until someone who wants to drive faster comes up behind you. Then
control for the distance to the other car by _slowing down_, making the
distance even less than what the other driver wants it to be. Now the
other driver has his own problem; to avoid hitting you he has to go even
slower, making his speed error even greater, but if he doesn't slow down
he will feel too close to you.
You keep slowing down each time the other driver speeds up, then when he
drops back you accelerate to the same speed you were driving before. But
when you try this, be sure you are driving an old car with doors that
lock securely. When the other guy realizes that you're doing this on
purpose, there's no telling what he will do.
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Best,
Bill P.