[From Bill Powers (2007.01.17.1540 MST)]
Hello, all. Back in Lafayette after very well-received stint with IAACT
on Hilton Head.
My daughter Barbara relayed this to me, and it’s so good I just have to
pass it on.
Best,
Bill P.
···
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning
submissionsto its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to
supplyalternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have
gained.Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you
are run over by a steamroller.Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Y
iddishisms.Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief
that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck
there.The Washington Post’s Style Invitational also asked readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
This year’s winners:
- Bozone (n.): The substance
surrounding a stupid person that stopsbright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,
showslittle sign of breaking down in the near future.
- Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and
theperson who doesn’t get it.
- Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are
runninglate.
- Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
7.Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one received a
GoldStar.)
- Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all
thesereally bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it’slike, a serious bummer.
9.Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
10.Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
- Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarterwhen they come at you rapidly.
- Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
13.Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into
yourbedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
14.Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub
inthe fruit you’re eating.
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