Help, Coercion & PCT

From [Marc Abrams (980619.1041)]

Gonna give this another shot :-).

On Monday I posted (980616.2308) about the concept of "help". I think
these concepts have _huge_ implications for _anyone_ in the "help"
professions ( i.e. Teachers, Counselors, Consultants, Do gooders :-))

Am I the only one who:
a) sees it
b) cares about it
c) wants to talk about it
d) completely agree with everything I said and have nothing to add :slight_smile:
d) any combination of the above :slight_smile:

Several proposals have been made to change the _name_ of the concept
known as "coercion". But, as Bill and Rick have pointed out any number
of times, changing the name doesn't eliminate or change the
phenomenon.

I think the _implications_ of the Pct model are staggering The
_perceptions_ of myself as being helpful ( i.e good) suddenly could
very easily be seen as being coercive. (i.e. bad) What I thought of as
being coercive could actually be helpful.
Which way is up and which way is down :slight_smile:

I basically made one statement and asked two questions;

The statement, If you are interested in "helping" someone you need to
know what they want.

The two questions with regard to "helping" were;

1) When "helping" someone, What am _I_ controlling for?
2) Am I _willing_ to help the person get what _they_ want? Which would
entail some plan for working out the conflicts that are sure to arise.

Comments anyone?

Marc

[From Bruce Nevin (980619. EDT)]

Marc Abrams (980619.1041)--

Eric Berne or his student Claude Steiner made a distinction between helping
and rescuing. If they're not contributing at least 50% of the effort you're
on a rescue trip. The distinction between rescuing and coercing is wobbly
indeed.

  Bruce Nevin

[From Bill Powers (980620.0652 MDT)]

Marc Abrams (980619.1041)--

I basically made one statement and asked two questions;

The statement, If you are interested in "helping" someone you need to
know what they want.

If you are interested in helping the person get what the person wants, yes.
However, many people think that helping a person means doing what they
_need_ to have done (objectively), regardless of what they want. Of course
the helper knows what they need to have done....

The two questions with regard to "helping" were;

1) When "helping" someone, What am _I_ controlling for?

I think this question is often answered by asking who decided that help was
wanted. Did the person _ask_ for help, or did you suddenly decide that the
person needed help? One of the hardest things for a grandparent (at least)
to learn is to let a child struggle with something difficult without
interfering, uinless the child asks for help.

2) Am I _willing_ to help the person get what _they_ want? Which would
entail some plan for working out the conflicts that are sure to arise.

Another facet of that question is, "Am I willing to let the person define
what kind of help is wanted, even if I don't think that is what's needed?"

Best,

Bill P.