[From Jason Gosnell (2005.01.17.1600CST)]
Rick Marken (2004.01.17.0915)
I think this is a very important point. The inconsistent wants that produce
a conflict are equally important to the person who has these wants; these
wants presumably exist as the means of achieving other goals. So the
solution to a conflict cannot be to convince a person that one goal is more
legitimate than another. If the conflict is between being a good husband
and
diddling the secretary then the solution is not to convince the person that
one goal is better than the other. Both goals exist. This is also a
conflict
where a sequential strategy probably won't work as a solution. In this
case, you would probably have to get the person to go up a level and become
conscious of _why_ they want to be a ood husband and _why_ they want to
diddle the secretary. From that point of view, the person may be able to
figure out ways to want that are not in conflict but satisfy the reasons
for
wanting to be a good husband and a bad one.
Humorous and helpful. So, there are really many variations, infinitely many,
on a possible resolution of the conflict. You may have to make some new
internal policies--at whatever level: systems, principles, policies--in
order to ensure that these different needs are taken care of. So the overall
organization of your life, your day--week, etc. may need to be examined. In
some cases, values clarification work might be useful--what is your purpose?
related to being a husband etc.
I value these points.
Jason
···
-----Original Message-----
From: Richard Marken [mailto:marken@MINDREADINGS.COM]
Sent: Monday, January 17, 2005 12:16 PM
To: CSGNET@listserv.uiuc.edu
Subject: Re: idealized sense of self and true self
[From Rick Marken (2004.01.17.0915)]
Jason Gosnell (2005.01.16.1940CST)--
Basically, a key point to remember is that when there is
conflict there are two systems..that are in conflict. It may
be the need for autonomy is in conflict with the need for
connection, or the need for security in conflict with the need
for connection. Going up a level allows this to be seen and
perhaps facilitates an integration or compromise between the
two systems to get both needs satisfied.
Yes. And I think the "compromise" almost always involves fully satisfying
both wants at different times. When there is conflict, you can't really
compromise in the sense of simultaneously giving each system only some of
what it wants; this leaves error in both systems, which means that it leaves
the conflict intact. Once a person recognizes that they have two goals that
are incompatible in the sense that both can't be achieved simultaneously --
that is, once the person understands the nature of the conflict that is
causing their neurotic behavior -- then the solution is usually pretty
obvious. For example the person who, like me, enjoys both solitude and
social interaction, can arrange for some quite evenings at home as well as
for some nice social evenings with friends.
At least I see that there are two systems serving
particular functions, so I can make some sense of the whole conflict. It
is
important to know this so that you don't treat the different players in
the
conflict, the systems, as trivial--they may be related to important
functions. At least they have developed for reasons to the state they
appear
in.
I think this is a very important point. The inconsistent wants that produce
a conflict are equally important to the person who has these wants; these
wants presumably exist as the means of achieving other goals. So the
solution to a conflict cannot be to convince a person that one goal is more
legitimate than another. If the conflict is between being a good husband and
diddling the secretary then the solution is not to convince the person that
one goal is better than the other. Both goals exist. This is also a conflict
where a sequential strategy probably won't work as a solution. In this
case, you would probably have to get the person to go up a level and become
conscious of _why_ they want to be a ood husband and _why_ they want to
diddle the secretary. From that point of view, the person may be able to
figure out ways to want that are not in conflict but satisfy the reasons for
wanting to be a good husband and a bad one.
Perhaps the specific level may not be critical because you may need to
allow
a scanning of the whole system of the various levels and use clues that
you
get through awareness?
I think the specific level is not important because we don't really know
_what_ the specific levels really are. The eleven levels Bill proposed --
and their relationship to each other -- are hypotheses with some
experiential and experimental confirmation. But whether a conflict is
expressed at what you would call the "program" or "principle" level is
really not important. What is important (from the point of view of the
person suffering from the conflict) is that what the conflict (what are the
conflicting wants) and what are the higher level reasons for those
conflicting wants.
Anyway, in order to change in an organization, the upper levels need to
bear
witness to any conflicts, assess them, and then develop new policies to
resolve the conflict or integrate perhaps whatever systems are in
conflict--relative to the company's purpose of course. Does this seem
basically right?
Yes, I think so.
Best
Rick
--
Richard S. Marken
MindReadings.com
Home: 310 474 0313
Cell: 310 729 1400
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