[From Kenny Kitzke (991116)]
<Mary Powers (991115)>
<It boggles the mind to read your statement that "love for other people" is
a rationale for "why a wife willingly submits her will to her husband's
will" etc.>
Only thing I can say is it apparently boggles _your_ mind. It is most
understandable to me. Does it boggle your mind that a man will voluntarily
risk his very life to protect his wife from harm? Is love not rationally
involved in this commonly observable behavior of husbands? I guess I really
need a better explanation of the "boggle" as you perceive it to know what to
say.
<Consider the reverse, a husband willingly submitting his will to his wife's
will. Even suggesting it brings to the minds of many people concepts like
"henpecked" and "pussy-whipped" - not to be tolerated, and a source of
raucous laughter if it is seen to be the case. So what's ok about wifely
(female) submission to another human being (who happens to be male), when
the reverse is so demeaning?>
I guess it depends on the specific behavior and the reference perceptions of
the observer. I do subject my will to my wife's quite often (probably not as
often as I should), out of love for her. Several times already this morning
I did what she wanted rather than what I wanted. I do it willingly. So, I
do not find it demeaning.
I might feel henpecked and resist if she said, "Get off that stupid computer
and help me move the bedroom furniture around for the new chest of drawers I
bought, or I won't make lunch for you." IOW, if she is ordering me around in
my house, that would not be acceptable.
But, when she says, "Honey, I know you are busy writing to CSGNet, but could
you take a few minutes and help me move the bedroom dresser so the new
lingerie chest I bought will fit?," well, I'm pleased to help her.
<Please exclude from your answer "because the Bible says so".>
Well, I try to do what the Bible says. It seems to work out better for me
than doing what S-R psychologists recommend, or what seems best to my
comparator.
<And what does love have to do with it?>
Almost everything. For isn't it very hard to submit your will willingly to
another person, unless you love them? It is hard even then.
There is no doubt the Bible (which is the source of the marriage for life
teaching) requires the husband to be head of the household and head over his
wife. But, the man's headship worthy of submission comes with a great
responsibility: to love his wife as himself.
I won't try to explain why my wife willingly accepts my authority over her,
or what the limits of that authority are, but, if you wish, perhaps Patricia
will tell you? You may E-mail her privately at [PAKitzke@aol.com]. I am
sure she would be excited to hear from you and learn what has made your
marriage last longer than the norm, if it was not love.
Kenny