Re.: 3rd example of MOL on Mirabilis ICQ

CSGnet Archive CSG1998
1

I agree with Bill Powers that this 3rd example of MOL did not go very
far.

I don't know what happened wiht the time estimates, but this was a
shorter session as evidenced by the shorter transcript.

Bill made an interesting suggestion that, perhaps, some of my own
issues with respect to physical appearance stopped me from following the
procedure. I don't know. It is possible. Also, maybe I was just a
little tired when I did it.

The topic sequence was: online friendships-----advantages of online
interactions over face-to-face ones and then I don't think it went any
where after that.

Bill suggested that I might have asked something like: What is it like
to be judged by your physical appearance rather than your heart?

Even when interacting online LadyEray self-criticized herself as being
too honest.

She also described herself as being real online rather than being
imaginative.

This are meta-commentlike and might have lead somewhere.

I might have pursued some of these leads. I did this a little with the
the sense of her being too honest. Even online she has faults.

···

From: David Goldstein
Subject: Re.: 3rd example of MOL on Mirabilis ICS
Date: 1/10/98

2

[From Bill Powers (980110.0640 MST)

From: David Goldstein
Subject: Re.: 3rd example of MOL on Mirabilis ICS
Date: 1/10/98

Bill made an interesting suggestion that, perhaps, some of my own
issues with respect to physical appearance stopped me from following the
procedure. I don't know. It is possible.

That was an unhelpful guess on my part. Actually I simply observed that you
dropped into your therapist mode and wanted to help her see that there were
people who did love her for herself despite her appearance. This is what I
interpreted as sympathy ("feeling-with"), and that led me to wonder -- with
no further evidence -- if you had similar feelings.

The reasons, of course, are immaterial. All that's relevant to the MOL is
that the therapeutic intention seems to interfere with getting the person
to go up a level. In effect, you start arguing with the person: Explorer:
"Nobody loves me for myself." Guide: "Oh, yes, they do!"

The MOL response would not be to reassure the person, but to say something
like "Tell me what it's like when people judge you by your appearance."

Also, maybe I was just a little tired when I did it.

There's that. Sometimes people ask me to do a demo of the MOL and I have to
beg off, knowing that I couldn't keep up the concentration that's needed.

The topic sequence was: online friendships-----advantages of online
interactions over face-to-face ones and then I don't think it went any
where after that.

The main advantage I picked up on was that nobody could _see_ her -- that
looks played too much of a part in human interactions. This is, of course,
an interesting subject and is probably an important part of internet
interactions. I'm glad I can't be seen right now, with my hair sticking out
in all directions and my knobby knees showing under my bathrobe. However,
her further remarks indicated that she thought herself too fat, not not
very good-looking, and perhaps not very well dressed -- a lot of
self-criticism there. Maybe. All you can do is ask.

I guess that one generalization we might get from this session is "Don't
argue with the explorer."

Best,

Bill P.