Ed Ford 950304.early morningMST
Last Wednesday, I was conducting a group session for adults on probation.
In order to expalin what happens when we try to control others, I showed
them the rubber band demonstration, the one where I knott together two
rubber bands, ask a person to hold them stretched out in front of her so
that the knott is an equal distrance from each hand and directly in front of
the person. Then I ask another participant to move his finger in front of
the rubber band. I ask the one holding the rubber band to keep the knott
directly at the tip of the finger as the other person moves his finger up
and down and sideways. What I then do is gently take the arm of the person
holding the rubber band and sincerely try to help her accomplish her task of
keeping the knott in front of his finger. What happens is that she tends to
resist my help and invariably admitts to not wanting my help, and in fact
resists it. This demonstrates the difficulty of trying to control another
person.
I asked a 33-year-old woman on probationay home she told me how much the
demonstration helped her understand the effects of what it is like to be
controlling. She said she has gone through "many" boyfriends and they all
complained about how she is always trying to control them, telling them what
they are doing wrong. She said she never realized how serious this was
until I did the demonstration with her. "I never realized how controlling I
was and the effects of my attempts to control them until you did that
demonstration." She said that being a part of the demonstration brought home
to her how controlling she was and the effects of this on others.
When we do our little rubber band demos, most of us think "that's great" and
go on. We see it as a nice way to demonstrate a theory. I never realized
the powerful impact it could have on a person's life. Best, Ed.
Ed Ford, 10209 N. 56th St., Scottsdale, AZ 85253 Ph.602 991-4860.