# Rubber Band Demo to Real Life

**URL:** <http://discourse.iapct.org/t/rubber-band-demo-to-real-life/10085>\
**Category:** CSG1995\
**Created:** [March 4, 1995, 1:16pm UTC](http://discourse.iapct.org/t/rubber-band-demo-to-real-life/10085 "1995-03-04T13:16:00Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Edward\_E\_Ford](http://discourse.iapct.org/letter_avatar_proxy/v4/letter/e/e19b73/32.png) [@Edward\_E\_Ford](http://discourse.iapct.org/u/Edward_E_Ford)\
**Post date:** [March 4, 1995, 1:16pm UTC](http://discourse.iapct.org/t/rubber-band-demo-to-real-life/10085/1 "1995-03-04T13:16:00Z")

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Ed Ford 950304.early morningMST

Last Wednesday, I was conducting a group session for adults on probation.  
In order to expalin what happens when we try to control others, I showed  
them the rubber band demonstration, the one where I knott together two  
rubber bands, ask a person to hold them stretched out in front of her so  
that the knott is an equal distrance from each hand and directly in front of  
the person. Then I ask another participant to move his finger in front of  
the rubber band. I ask the one holding the rubber band to keep the knott  
directly at the tip of the finger as the other person moves his finger up  
and down and sideways. What I then do is gently take the arm of the person  
holding the rubber band and sincerely try to help her accomplish her task of  
keeping the knott in front of his finger. What happens is that she tends to  
resist my help and invariably admitts to not wanting my help, and in fact  
resists it. This demonstrates the difficulty of trying to control another  
person.

I asked a 33-year-old woman on probationay home she told me how much the  
demonstration helped her understand the effects of what it is like to be  
controlling. She said she has gone through "many" boyfriends and they all  
complained about how she is always trying to control them, telling them what  
they are doing wrong. She said she never realized how serious this was  
until I did the demonstration with her. "I never realized how controlling I  
was and the effects of my attempts to control them until you did that  
demonstration." She said that being a part of the demonstration brought home  
to her how controlling she was and the effects of this on others.

When we do our little rubber band demos, most of us think "that's great" and  
go on. We see it as a nice way to demonstrate a theory. I never realized  
the powerful impact it could have on a person's life. Best, Ed.

Ed Ford, 10209 N. 56th St., Scottsdale, AZ 85253 Ph.602 991-4860.

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**Author:** ![Bill\_Leach1](http://discourse.iapct.org/letter_avatar_proxy/v4/letter/b/848f3c/32.png) [@Bill\_Leach1](http://discourse.iapct.org/u/Bill_Leach1)\
**Post date:** [March 4, 1995, 10:48pm UTC](http://discourse.iapct.org/t/rubber-band-demo-to-real-life/10085/2 "1995-03-04T22:48:17Z")

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\<[Bill Leach 950304.16:47 EST(EDT)]

> Ed Ford 950304.early morningMST

I missed that one! I am going to HAVE to go give it a try. It is so  
'obvious' as to what will happen -- great!

Of all people, I 'hate' to be the one to 'water on your parade' but...

> I never realized the powerful impact it could have on a person's life.

I don't see that you have shown that it has been a 'powerful impact'. It  
seems to me that 'all' that happened is that you 'opened a door' to allow  
for additional understanding and eventually change. I quoted 'all' there  
because I did want to add that the statement was NOT meant to imply  
failure to accomplish anything significant.

My doubt concerning 'powerful impact' is that next time our lady friend  
'wants something' she is most likely to 'activate' the same control  
systems that she has always used. IF she learns that the feelings of  
'anger', 'frustration', 'depression', etc. 'mean' that there is a control  
system conflict (ie: a control system is failing to control) AND that  
she must then 'go up a level' because of her recognition that one control  
system can not control another without violence THEN there has been a  
powerful impact.

I believe that most people really do need help with how to make use of  
the understanding (I'm sure I did and for that matter still do).

-bill