test for the CV

CSGnet Archive CSG1999
1

Re.: Mary Powers(990908)

Qs: Did you have any idea that he was going to have such a reaction? Were
you
doing it on purpose to test for the controlled variable or are you looking
at it that way after the fact? If you _were_ testing for the CV, why?

As: No. I did it on purpose but the purpose wasn't crystal clear to me. I
wasn't sure if this idea would appeal to him or not. I see him as a
self-centered person(Narcissitic Personality Disorder?). I was saying to him
that it was OK to be a person who did not become involved in long-term,
committed, attached relationships. This was not the only possibility.

Q: That's fine for you, but what did your client get out of it? If I were
him, I think I would be feeling pretty distrustful and angry about my
relationship with my therapist.

arts, he scuba dives, he takes boxing lessons, he lifts weights. He liked it
when I described him as: "A self-centered s_ _ of a b_ _ _ _."

The remark I made to him was part of this whole discussion.

I think he learned that: "I don't want to die with noone there to say
good-bye to me."

Q: Have you quit (or did you ever try) MOL?

when he was talking about his estranged relationship with his grown up sons,
he became very angry at them, and was unwilling to forgive them, and then he
self-observed: I should be more forgiving...I feel as though I am trapped by
my anger. I thought that this was going up a level. It happened at the end
of our last session. I will pick it up from there. By the way, his
presenting problem is: I am unwilling to let go of my anger and it is
dominating my life.

As a result of knowing about the MOL, I am much more sensitive to
self-reflective remarks by patients than I used to be.

ยทยทยท

From: David M. Goldstein, Ph.D.
Subject: Re: test for the CV
Date: 9/8/99

A: There is a real macho side of this guy. He is a blackbelt in martial
A: I have introduced MOL with him. I have not quit MOL. In the last session,

2

[from Mary Powers (990908)]

David (9/7/99)

My reaction to your post in which you said to your client "maybe you are
the kind of person who would be better off if you didn't enter into a
committed relationship" was to feel pretty disturbed - especially since you
add that he was so panicked by the idea that it took him three weeks to say
so.

Did you have any idea that he was going to have such a reaction? Were you
doing it on purpose to test for the controlled variable or are you looking
at it that way after the fact? If you _were_ testing for the CV, why?

In your post the next day (9/8/99) you say "What I think I learned from the
man's delayed three week reaction was: In spite of his high level of of
distrust and anger, he wants to have a committed, attached relationship
with a woman."

That's fine for you, but what did your client get out of it? If I were
him, I think I would be feeling pretty distrustful and angry about my
relationship with my therapist :wink:

I think you told him about the side of his conflict that he was unaware of
and not ready to acknowledge. Result: panic. I can't help but believe
that it would have been better if you had been working to help him reach
the point where he could make that statement to you as part of the process
of going up a level and resolving the conflict.

Strictly my opinion as an occasional (and former) client of therapists
unable to resist the dispensing of wisdom which may have been true but
which only served to confuse and short-circuit the process. Have you quit
(or did you ever try) MOL?

Mary P.