Conflict reduction (was Re: intentional stance)

[From Rick Marken (2001.10.11.1220)]

Bruce Gregory (2001.1011.1459)

Bravo, this is a nice example of "blaming the victim!" I love the way you
use Bill Powers' sound advice to make Bill Williams wrong. He is the one
who needs to change not you! You manage to quote Bill Powers and in the
process to show that you have no intention of taking his message to heart.
I never would have thought of this approach to self-justification. I'll
have to remember it.

I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I wasn't saying that Bill Williams
was wrong (or right). I was simply saying that if Bill didn't like the results
of what he said (in the form of what others said to him in reply) he might
consider either not saying it or, perhaps, saying it in another way.

Bill Powers' advice had nothing to do with whether what one was saying was right
or wrong. It had to do with avoiding conflict by taking responsibility for one's
own contribution to that conflict. Read Bill's suggestion again and see if you
don't agree:

When you sense resistance and opposition to your words or acts, back off

before

the resistance becomes serious, and consider whether you actually care about

the

opposition, or on the other hand about what it was you were trying to

accomplish,

before deciding whether to go on. Don't just automatically defend, or

automatically

attack. At least reflect a moment first.

Best regards

Rick

ยทยทยท

--
Richard S. Marken, Ph.D.
The RAND Corporation
PO Box 2138
1700 Main Street
Santa Monica, CA 90407-2138
Tel: 310-393-0411 x7971
Fax: 310-451-7018
E-mail: rmarken@rand.org

[From Bruce Gregory (2001.1011.1740)]

From Rick Marken (2001.10.11.1220)

The problem, as I see it, is that while _you_ can take responsibility, it
doesn't work to adopt the position that the other person would be better
off if _he_ took responsibility. Bill Powers wasn't giving advice to
someone he was in conflict with, we was making a useful observation. (You
can imagine how well you would have fared had you given the same advice to
Osama Bin Laden concerning his complaints about the West. You would have
been correct, but unlikely to be heeded.) I could give Bill Williams the
same advice you did, but the implication would have been quite different. I
hope this isn't too obscure.