[From Rick Marken (2001.10.11.1520)]
Bruce Gregory (2001.1011.1740)
The problem, as I see it, is that while _you_ can take responsibility, it
doesn't work to adopt the position that the other person would be better
off if _he_ took responsibility.
I completely agree. That's why I replied as I did to Bill Williams post in the
first place. Bill Williams (11 October 2001 12:30 CST) had said:
I makes it still harder, for some people anyway, that pointing out
that there are some legitimate grounds for complaint risks being
charged with "blaming the victim."
It sounded to me like Bill was suggesting that people (like me) who were
charging him with "blaming the victim" should change their ways. That is,
Bill seemed to be suggesting that the conflict between us could be reduced if
I changed. And he was certainly right. But I'm the only one who can decide to
change my own behavior. I was just pointing to another approach to reducing
conflict, an approach that relies on a decision to change the behavior of the
only person who can change that behavior: oneself.. Of course, one runs the
risk of sounding impudent when one offers such a suggestion. It could sound
like I was saying "You should change, not me". that, of course, was not my
intent.
I am quite aware of my own contributions to conflicts on the net and I am
continuously trying to change my behavior so as to reduce them (including
leaving the net for a while when all else seems to fail). But I do think it's
worth it for people o understand the point I was trying to make about conflict
reduction, which I may have stated most clearly in one of my next posts:
One can't reduce conflict by deciding that it's the _other person_ who
should change. One can only reduce conflict by deciding to change
oneself. That applies to everyone, myself included, of course.
I'm glad to see that you now understand (Bruce Gregory (2001.1011.1742)) what
I was trying to say and agree with it.
Best regards
Rick
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Richard S. Marken, Ph.D.
The RAND Corporation
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