From Ed Ford (940407.1325)
First, let me apologize for not being more active on the
net. I've a number of excuses, all of them great. I've
finished a manuscript and am now rewriting a book on
Discipline. Hester and I have had a steady stream of
grandchildren (three are living here now for the week,
ages 3,5, & 7). Also, have been dealing with a little
sickness. This does not include my traveling which has
slowed considerably for April and May.
Second, I really enjoyed Rick's review of my book and the
comments back and forth. It was interesting to see how
others perceive how I was thinking and what meaning I had
for various things I said.
What really fascinated me about Rick's review was his
attempt to understand my ideas on changing perceptions.
He apparently thought I saw perceptions as being changed
through the internal loop, imagination, if you will.
Those are those happy thoughts we create about someone
prior to our marriage. I wasn't talking about
hallucinatory approach. I was suggesting that (as Bill
rightly understood and mentioned) perceptions are changed
in any substantial way by what we create about a person
from the experiences we have with them.
Also, when he mentions that I spent too little time on
re-setting wants, apparently he missed a good deal of the
book. I talked a lot about the interrelated connection
between values, standards, and choices. I think that
would satisfy Rick's suggestion that I deal with the
"method of levels." Regardless, for someone who likes to
deal with stick wiggling and modeling, he did pretty
well.
I also appreciated much Bill Powers' and Bill Leach's
remarks concerning FFS. I am sorry now I didn't get into
net at the time, but, life goes on.
ยทยทยท
_____________
Recently, I've read comments on PopPCT. I guess I'm a
PopPCTer. I think I got that right.
Rick (now that he's out of town for a few days) said
something interesting.
The only place changing perceptions comes into PCT is
during reorganization.
I've helped couples who couldn't stand each other or
parent/child relationships that were highly fragile and
watch them turn around completely as they began to build,
on a daily basis, very warm enjoyable experiences with
each other. I call it quality time. I guess
reorganization is really taking place, especially with
people who have never had any close experience. They are
learning to perceive someone in a totally new way. Other
couples are learning to rebuild what they once had but
had lost by becoming "passing ships in the night."
From my experience (where the rubber hits the road), PCT
really provides the way when it comes to dealing with
others, both as individuals, and as groups. When you
realize that in groups of people, each person is an
individual control system, each with her created
perceptions, established and prioritized wants and goals,
and a style of controlling her variables that is unique
to her, and everyone has these characteristics, then you
realize how amazing it is that we all get along was well
as we do. But from that PCT insight, you can help
organizations as well as individuals, learn ways
of dealing with each other that makes their lives much
more pleasant to live.
Another lesson is that you can't help WANTING to fix
other people; this is a want you have to learn to
change.....but it doesn't provide the techniques for
...."making the kids behave well."
I would like to alter what you've said slightly. PCT
offers the basis, the groundwork, the theory, upon which
you can build a whole way of helping those WHO WANT HELP,
WHO ARE WILLING TO WORK WITH YOU. PCT teaches another
powerful lesson. Clint Eastwood said it clearly in
Magnum Force. When his superior officer claimed he had
never had to pull his gun from its holster, Clint (as
Dirty Harry) remark, "Well, Lieutenant, You're a good
man, and a good man always knows his limitations."
PCT has certainly pointed the way to our own limits, and
the limits for dealing with others. It certainly
outlines clearly what we can or can't do. Obviously, we
are limited by how much others are willing to align their
reference levels with our own, how much they are willing
to cooperatively work with us, in a variety of ways. PCT
has really given me the foundation upon which I can build
a variety of programs. I've recently completed a book on
discipline, which at times has been difficult. I've been
doing a lot of work in several local elementary schools,
trying to help them bring order out of chaos. Without
PCT, I would have gotten nowhere. With it, I think I've
outlined a rather solid basis for bringing order out of
chaos in many schools and homes.
Enough said. Best, Ed
Ed Ford, 10209 N. 56th st., Scottsdale, AZ 85253
Phone 602 991-4860