My theory says the components must be a surprise to affirm that we
have the power to learn what we do not already know and are extending
the diversity to which we accommodate. In my theory, getting expected
responses from someone (like compliance) raises alarm in the observer
(would-be controller) as much as confronting those who continue on
their own agenda independently of one's input. One way we feel the
alarm is as anxiety that if we let go of our control over the other,
or if the other eventually finds a way out of behaving as we predict,
we will lose what little sense of control we have. Controlling the
predictable is, to draw from Karl Popper, like climbing an endless
mountain, getting tired, knowing you might fall all the way down as
soon as you let go. Another manifestation of predictable control is
known as co-dependency--not a secure way to live. l&p hal