[From Kent McClelland (2012.09.14.21 PDT)]
After several days out of town, I’m getting back to my e-mail, and I see that my post on niche construction has led (very indirectly) to an interesting exchange on the conflict that arises from attempts to control other people’s behavior.
control of other people’s behavior. Unless two people share precisely the same reference conditions for a cooperative action, there will be some degree of conflict emerging from their collective control efforts. And the unique organization of each person’s
perceptual hierarchy means that the reference conditions in one person’s brain will rarely be precisely identical to another person’s reference conditions. Thus, conflict is almost inescapable, even among people trying consciously to cooperate with each other.
Witness the conflicts and tensions that arise on CSGnet between people who share some high-level references (or at least think they do).
My conclusion from this line of thinking is that the conflict management techniques that Fred Nichols was talking about are actually things that people must use constantly in their social relationships. Conflict management experts have thought harder and
more clearly about resolving conflicts than most of the rest of us, but the techniques they espouse are things we have to do if we want to get along smoothly with others: like listening carefully to others (to try to understand their references), looking for
high-level points of agreement about shared goals, and letting individuals pursue their own means of reaching those goals (giving people space to control their own behavior at the lower levels of perception). People who get along smoothly with others just
do these kinds of things unconsciously, because these become their well-practiced methods of living and letting live. Conflict is something we have to manage all the time, simply in order to have a cooperative social life.
Conflict in itself is not necessarily a bad thing. When people attempt together to control similar perceptions, even if their references are not exactly the same (and thus some conflict ensues), they do a better job in stabilizing their shared environment with
regard to that kind of perception than any individual could do separately. Despite some conflict, their joint actions achieve an approximation of a goal that all desire (though perhaps not exactly what anyone hoped would happen).
I see same kind of principle (that some conflict may be necessary for stability) working within the body in the case of opposing muscles. Pairs of muscles are to some degree in conflict, as we see in the fact that the muscle are in tension, but, even though
they are pulling in opposite directions, together they stabilize the limb together more effectively than either muscle could do separately, if one were to contract while the opposing muscle just stayed limp. Of course, too much conflict–a charley horse–is
a real problem, just as too much conflict between people is problematic.
Kent
···
From my own sociological work with PCT, and particularly from my attempts to model collective control, I’ve come to the conclusion that conflict is a feature of almost all human interactions, not just interactions in which people attempt to exert arbitrarily
On Sep 18, 2012, at 8:06 AM, Bill Powers wrote:
[From Bill Powers (2012.09.18.0810 MDT)]
Fred Nickols (2012.09.18.0546 PDT) –
Rick Marken (2012.09.18.0840)]
FN: Hmm. Nice distinction, Rick. I think I?ll place the ?arbitrary control of behavior? right up there with the ?arbitrary exercise of authority.? I do indeed often want to see other people change
their behavior.BP: I’m so glad we have reached this point. In B:CP I spent a lot of time pointing out that control of other people’s behavior was very likely to result in resistance and conflict, and so was counterproductive. Somehow this got turned into the idea that control
of other people’s behavior was impossible . Perhaps it did sound that way, because I didn’t come right out and say “arbitrary control of other people’s behavior without causing resistance or conflict.” I guess I thought that was self-evident, which is
a mistake when writing to more than one thoroughly-known person. Also, it has taken me a long time to understand that even when you do tack qualifiers onto sentences, people often just don’t read them or heed them, or maybe don’t even recognize what they are.I think we can now say what we mean: arbitrary control is called arbitrary because it does not take into account the other person’s structure of control systems. If it succeeds, it is very likely to cause errors in the other person which that person will try
to correct. That will lead to conflict between you and the other person if you persist in trying to control in the same way, or internal conflict in the other person if that person tries to go along with your attempt to control. Conflict between or within
persons interferes with control and unless quickly resolved, prevents control by one party or both of the variable at the heart of the conflict.So arbitrary control strongly implies subsequent conflict and is counter-productive among equals.
“Among equals” is a qualifier to which you should pay attention.
Since conflict is such a universal phenomenon, we need to take the possibility of conflict into account any time we are involved in changing anyone’s behavior including our own. “A foolish consistency” (qG)* may be the hobgoblin of little minds, but true self-contradiction
is simply a logical and practical mistake: it is actually impossible to want and not want the same thing at the same time. A peaceable change of behavior requires first finding out what the other side wants at a higher level, and arranging for such requirements
to be satisfied in some other way if affected by the change in behavior. This is why MOL includes getting the client to look for those higher-level considerations.One thing still needs to be discussed: who or what directs the reorganizing and its outcome. The difference between changing a behavior and reorganizing behavior.
Best,
Bill P.
*qG: Which Google