from [ Marc Abrams (991119.1800) ]
An archive that should shed some light for the folks out there who no little
of the RTP program. The program has undergone several changes since this ost
and I am not sure what if any particulairs might be different. But I do
believe but I do think Ed's post stays in the current spirit of the
program. Tim C if I am wrong
please correct any errors. Thanks.
Marc
from Ed Ford (921114:1115) (from Bill Powers 921113.1000)
...we received your cards on Teaching Responsible Thinking. I think
you need to take a closer look at what you're recommending, or at
least the way you put it.
First, for those who are unfamiliar with my card, here it is...
TEACHING RESPONSIBLE THINKING
Responsibility ? the willingness and ability of people to follow
standards and rules and ultimately to set their own, without infringing
on the rights of others.
A. ESTABLISH STRONG RELATIONSHIPS
The most important step when teaching responsible thinking involves
spending daily quality time alone with each person. (explained on
reverse side of card). People must believe two things: you care about
them and you have confidence in their ability to resolve their
problems. You will then be more effective when teaching responsible
thinking.
B. SET STANDARDS; ASK FOR CHOICES & CONSEQUENCES
You have to set specific and reasonable rules and standards that must
be consistently applied over time and enforced fairly with each person.
When they are not willing to follow standards or obey rules, ask them
to name the various choices they have and to explain the consequences
that result from making those choices. The consequences should include
the loss of the privilege which is related to the responsible choice
they refuse to make.
Loss of privileges or restrictions must be the result of their not
being willing to work at resolving their problem. Lifting restrictions
or the return of a privilege should be tied to their having made a
commitment and a specific plan to resolve their problem. Remember,
trying to control people by rewarding or punishing them doesn't teach
responsible thinking.
C. TEACH RESPONSIBLE THINKING
Ask them what they think ? keep questioning them; don't tell them what
you think; ignore excuses & don't ask why; be non?judgemental; be
specific & stay focused.
1. Exploration: Basic questions to ask are...
What is it that you want? What are the rules or standards?
What were you doing to get what you want?
2. Evaluation: Getting them to think responsibly...
Is what you're doing getting you what you want?
Is what you're doing against the rules?
3. Commitment: Getting them to choose responsibility...
Are you willing to work at resolving your problems?
4. Teach them how to create a plan
a. establish specific area of needed improvement
(keep plan small to assure success)
b. set a measurable goal for needed feedback
c. have them think through then explain in detail how they're going to
achieve their measurable goal
d. set up a chart which shows progress in time increments (hourly,
daily, or weekly, etc.)
picture of a chart
It seems to me that when two or more living control systems find themselves
in the same environment, in order for them to live in harmony and
cooperatively, they have to agree on a way things ought to be, a system of
concepts, which are best expressed and set forth by agreeing to a set of
standards upon which they base their choices as they attempt to find
satisfaction while living together. (I see standards as synonymous with
rules, criteria, principles, guidelines, etc.) Thus the needed harmony
between levels of the hierarchy in social groups. As they lives their
lives, trying to satisfy their own individual goals, the choices they make,
if based on agreed to standards, will more than likely make it easier for
them to live in harmony with each other.
In the order of nature, we first learn to follow standards as children at
home and then, ultimately, to set our own. For us to live in harmony, we
must always set rules while respecting the rights of others. Whether at
home, at school, at work, in an institutional setting, or just buying
gasoline, we are constantly surrounded by standards and rules. Thus the
need to learn to follow standards as well as to set our own standards while
resolving our internal conflicts.
Any time I deal with anyone, whether in private practice or elsewhere,
standards and rules are a part of life. Whether it is setting standards for
the kind of spouse we want (thus to help us make a choice), or wanting to
get along with a parent, or getting through school, or interacting properly
on the CSGnet by how to sign on, etc., standards are a part of life.
HOWEVER, IN ORDER TO HELP LIVING CONTROL SYSTEMS RESOLVE THEIR OWN INTERNAL
CONFLICTS AND TO TEACH THEM HOW TO DEAL WITH THEIR LIVES, THERE HAS TO BE A
BASIC UNDERSTANDING OF STANDARDS AND RULES AND OF HOW CONSEQUENCES AND
CHOICES ARE INTEGRATED INTO THE STANDARDS CONCEPT ALREADY ESTABLISHED IN THE
SETTING WHERE THEY ARE BEING TAUGHT. That is why I set forth a general
understanding and the need for setting standards as well as establishing a
model for where and how choices and consequences are integrated into the
standard concept prior to explaining the style and techniques for teaching
responsible thinking (in Section C) to anyone, any where, whether at home,
at school, or where ever.
I think, Bill, you confused what I was saying in Section B as a way to work
with others. I was merely setting forth the essential elements that go into
helping people learn to discipline themselves and deal with the rules in
environments where they find themselves or help those who have to establish
rules and standards in a setting and how all the concepts interrelate. The
approach I use when dealing with others, as set forth in the role plays and
explanations in Chapters Nine and Ten in Freedom From Stress has not been
abandoned. The attempt to teach responsible thinking through asking
questions is written out in Section C. What I was explaining in Section B
was the process, the standards to be considered and incorporated when
teaching others how to obey rules or helping them learn how to function
effectively in an environment where rules exist.
I use this card when teaching parents or when teach in residential treatment
centers or schools or in businesses. The essential elements explained in
Section B are the same. The style outlined in Section C, as you rightly
recognized, is very different, depending on the person and the situation. I
use the ideas for setting standards in Section B with my grandchildren as I
do with juveniles in a detention center. But the style for working with
people outlined in Section C can be very, very different.
Maybe you should think about approaching people in institutions as you
would people outside them. Teach them how to use PCT in the real
world they'll be going back to, not the artificial and cramped world
they're in at the moment.
As you can see from the above, I do, always have and always will.
Finally, my experience over the years has taught me that there are
tremendous differences in the understanding of the role of standards, the
meaning and place of consequences and choices. I was trying to establish as
clear an explanation as I could of the whole concept. I trust my card makes
a little more sense.
Ed Ford
···
Date: Sat Nov 14, 1992 10:26 am PST
Subject: setting standards
