This just in!

[From Rick Marken (2000.12.20.1250)]

This just entered my mailbox by divine intervention.


* Bush to be smitten later today

In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, under
God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last night's Supreme
Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush. "I'm not sure
where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a rare Today
Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to lay back and let Bush
get away with this bullshit." "I've watched analysts argue for weeks now
that the exact vote count in Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God
and I DO know exactly who voted for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won
Florida by exactly 20,219 votes."

Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict overrules
the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving
him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for
possible grounds for appeal. "God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued
Bush campaign strategist, Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a
U.S. Presidential Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the
constitution of the state of Florida."

"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises ahead of
him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean." God, who
provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct, explained that
bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds to give the
White House to "a friggin' idiot."

"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get real!
The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me? I'll name them:
Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron..."

Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's
prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite him today. In an
act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has taken all
of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions,
sold his family into slavery, forced the former presidential candidate into
hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils. Dick Cheney
will reportedly receive leprosy.


I also have heard a great idea for a bumper sticker in 2004:

Re-elect Al Gore

This was not from God, I'm afraid, but from a letter to the LA Times.


Richard S. Marken Phone or Fax: 310 474-0313 mailto: