FROM CHUCK TUCKER 951213.11:22 EST
I saw this on another list and thought it would be interesting
to consider as TT. Use at you own risk. Regards, Chuck
ANNOYING.DOC
HOW TO BE ANNOYING
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=Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and
insist to others that you "like it that way".
=Drum on every available surface.
=Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for
alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
=Staple papers in the middle of the page.
=Ask 800 operators for dates.
=Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
=Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
=Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
=Set alarms for random times.
=Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public
consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip...
=Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
=Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the
volume properly adjusted.
=Honk and wave to strangers.
=Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
=Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
=Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of
rental movies.
=Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal
Machine Music".
=ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
=Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole
streets.
=Pay for your dinner with pennies.
=Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
=Light road flares on a birthday cake.
=Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
=Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
=Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
=Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
=At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
=When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until
physically restrained.
=Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
=As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
=Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
=Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
=Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
=Drive half a block.
=Name your dog "Dog".
=Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
=Ask people what gender they are.
=Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts
back in the tray.
=Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.
=Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch
with a can of Lysol.
=Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers'
brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr.
Rogers theme song.
=While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet.
=Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
=Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
=Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
=Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see
if they slow down.
=Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people
play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
=Ask to "interface" with someone.
=Sing along at the opera.
=Mow your lawn with scissors.
=At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
=Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
=Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers
in a notebook... something about "psychological profiles".
=Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't
cricket."
=Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".