From [Marc Abrams (2005.11.03.1132)]
Yes, as I say in my subject line we all live and learn, and I am no exception.
In reflecting back on my participation in CSGnet I can see where I made some major mistakes. No, not in my use of the English language, but in my blindness to the consequences of my efforts to control.
No, this is not a confessional, but if I can share some insights of myself others might benefit and maybe we can all move ahead and avoid some of these things in the future.
Most of what you will read here has come to me in the last couple of months, and again, I am not trying to excuse what has happened, just trying to explain it.
My differences with Bill Powers and his theory have been well documented and in fact probably to well documented.
I really didn’t give Bill a fair chance and here is why. In questioning the validity of his ideas the way I did I put him on the defensive, but more importantly if he thought I had any credibility that would mean he may actually be wrong, and so,me of his ideas misplaced, and as a controller (like us all) he could not tolerate that big of a disturbance, so he made me into a moron and villain who could be easily dismissed in his mind, like he does with all the folks who have questions and concerns about his theory. I was out to destroy him and my barking about the shortcomings I saw in PCT was proof of that. End of discussion.
If I really cared, I would be nice and make believe I thought everything was ok, and in a sense he is right.
I could have more profitably tried talking about things that interested me instead of talking about how to ‘improve’ PCT, when in fact PCT was never intended to address the questions I have and in the areas I happen to be interested in, which is cognition.
Being forthright and honest is important, but it must be done with a view & concern of other folks as well. I had a great deal of respect for Bill and I thought he knew that, but that mattered little.
Bill is not blameless in all this. His track record is a poor one when it comes to dealing with people who do not share his views. Tolerance in the Markin sense does no one any good, and you can’t fake respect.
Thinking other people have credible ideas are important when you want their cooperation. I don’t share many of Rick’s or Bill’s views but then again, I’m not Bill or Rick, so I don’t need to.
I’ve come to realize that Rick and Bill are not ‘bad’ people. Just controllers who desperately want to keep their beliefs in tack and remain in control, and in that way, if I’m not ostracized & condemed I do represent a huge threat to them. But I never saw it that way, and now I do see it.
I have nothing to apologize for because I never intended to cause anyone any harm or distrust, and in fact if either Bill or Rick, ever really wanted too they could have found this out very quickly, but again, it had little to do with my actual intent, because even if I may be right, that means they may be wrong, and that is something Bill and Rick simply cannot tolerate, and something I should never have made an issue of.
It is extremely unfortunate that we put ourselves into this win/lose position of controlling, only to find out, that by ‘winning’ we probably destroy any hope of getting the cooperation we want from the people you want it from, and here I can safely say that for both of us.
Regards,
Marc